Friday, July 25, 2008

Limbo

There are a lot of reasons that I haven't been posting lately. I've been incredibly busy. It's so hot and steamy in Seoul that every time I try to gather my thoughts, my brain melts. Eggbert the 8-month-old big girl takes even more of my time than Eggbert the tiny baby did. But really, I think I've been struggling because the thing that I most want to blog about is giving me a blog identity crisis.

This started life as an infertility blog. I was desperate for a baby. Yes desperate. I admit it. That word has all kinds of negative connotations, but it is also the right word. Those were dark days, and putting my thoughts and feelings down in black and white helped. Getting feedback from so many kind readers helped even more. I really don't know how I would have managed without all of the support.

Now, my life is very different. I'm happy, and I'm a mom. Having Eggbert was by far the best thing that has ever happened to me. I thank my lucky stars every day. Every minute of my life isn't perfect, but every minute is better because she's here. While so many people experience post-partum depression, I feel like I've been in a place more like post-partum euphoria. Which makes it hard to blog. The thought of infertiles who are trying to conceive their first child coming here and reading about how great having a baby is makes me feel physically ill. They KNOW how great having a baby is. That's why infertility sucks so much. So what to do? Lots of people decide to make a fresh start at this point, either by retiring, or by starting a new mommy blog. That seems like a great option, except for one thing. I want another child, and somehow I doubt that infertility is done with me yet.

So, for now I'll stay here, and try to make the infertile mommy thing work somehow. If my brain doesn't melt first.

3 comments:

Tinker said...

I'm glad you're hanging around Sara! I've been missing your posts.

I think this point in blogging was easier for me because I started my blog with one on the ground. I had some remorse continuing after the twins arrived, but now in the midst of cycling for the last one I'm finding that I haven't been deserted altogether. I do tend to be a bit more careful where I comment lest a link bring an unsuspecting infertile back to my hodgepodge, but overall I'll be playing the full nine innings.

Lut C. said...

The content of your posts has changed, but your readership has probably changed as well.

Like you I'm looking at secondary IF and I would like some company too.

I don't want to sift through 'regular' mommy blogs to find out other SIFers. I prefer to keep hanging around with the friends I made in round one.

Sarah said...

people who aren't up for the mom stuff will skip it, but i think that where you are now is just as much a part of your infertility experience as any other. there would be something wrong with a book that left out the best chapters just because the author didn't want the readers to feel bad, right? besides, i think there is a whole crew of us who will be headed in for round 2 in the next year or so.