Monday, March 16, 2009

The die is cast

After yet another cycle in which I managed to foolishly get my hopes up (or at least not to assume that there was no hope, which is pretty much the same thing these days) that I might just get pregnant without intervention (I know, I know), my period arrived yesterday, a full three days ahead of schedule.

So, today I trundled off dutifully to the RE. I hadn't actually seen her in person since Eggbert was born, and it was surprisingly nice to get the chance to thank her in person for the incredible gift that she helped to give Mystery and me.

After conferring frantically with the calendar, she confirmed what I had suspected--that I will only have time to do one IVF cycle before leaving Korea in June. If my period had arrived three days ago, we could have squeezed in a second, but now it is truly out of the question. So, that's where I stand. One chance. I really don't know yet how I feel about that. On the one hand, Eggbert took two tries, and I was two years younger then, so obviously the odds are not on my side. On the other hand, the odds wouldn't be on my side in two cycles either, or even three. We will have to call it quits sometime, so at least this draws a pretty sharp line in the sand for us. Once we are back in the US, I will have infertility coverage, but with a lifetime maximum of $5000, which means that the out-of-pocket costs would be about $10,000 for one more cycle, and with odds of success of only about 20%, that is not a terribly appealing proposition. I guess we'll see how we feel if/when it comes to that, but right now, it's looking like this will be my last IVF cycle.

I'll start BCP tomorrow for one month, and then the fun will begin.

11 comments:

WaterBishop said...

Oh boy. I of course have everything including my heart crossed for you.

Sarah said...

i know it's basically impossible not to look beyond this cycle, but i'm a big believer in letting this one stand on it's own, without having to carry the weight of all your hopes and dreams because of what may happen down the road, which is all so uncertain anyway. i know, not even remotely realistic, but a good theory, no?

Thalia said...

I know a bit of how you feel. Particularly the crushing disappointment of yet another failed natural cycle, where you can't help hoping, no matter how awful the odds are. I will hope endlessly for this cycle to work for you so that you don't have to go through the heartache of wondering if you might do another.

Tinker said...

I don't remember if you'll be doing a fresh or frozen transfer. If you have embryos left, will you be able to transfer them to the States?

Sara said...

Tinker-I don't have anything in the freezer. If there is anything left over, which is VERY unlikely to happen, then I'll just come back for a FET at some point in the future if I want to.

Lut C. said...

I don't know how I would feel about having only one (likely) attempt left. I really hope this one will be a good one.

Marie-Baguette said...

For some women it is easier the second time around. A friend in that situation said her body "had to learn how to get pregnant". I like this! And maybe it is true. I got pregnant on my first try for a second child with just one embryo transferred (though I had a miscarriage). I will be keeping my fingers crossed for you Sara. And I do hope we will meet one day when you are back in the US!

Rachel Inbar said...

Thanks for another really thoughtful comment on my blog :-)

I am keeping my fingers crossed for you! Each cycle stands on its own - there's no reason why the next one after this would have a higher chance of success than this one (or that this one would have a lower chance of success). I really hope this is the one!

Take it easy :-)

Kymberli said...

It seems like well be transferring within a couple of weeks of each other. I'm sending tons and tons of positive thoughts across the ocean to you.

Isabel said...

I hope it works out for you before you leave Korea.

Can you consider Mexico or Canada? Both are cheaper than the US.

I wish you the very best of luck.

Kami said...

Good luck this cycle. You never know.

Even after 6 years of TI, 4 failed IVF cycles, 8 years older than when we started, severe MFI, rarely having sex because we are so tired, I STILL hope we can get pregnant unassisted.

I am trying to get used to the idea of only having one kid. Although we have - so far - decided to try again, each try is about $28,000. Obviously, with DE our odds are greater, but we can't go any further into debt and there are times when I think we should take the money and put it in a college fund instead.