Tuesday, May 12, 2009

There goes my cool again

I was going to write a post today about cosleeping and the safety issues concerning it, but then I lost my ability to focus, so you, dear reader, are going to have to make do with a status report instead. I'll try to get back to our regularly scheduled programming once my brain returns to normal functioning, whenever that happens.

I was doing OK until yesterday. Really I was. Going about my normal business, and only thinking about the contents of my uterus or lack thereof every few minutes. I had in mind that I would find out on Friday, and was doing OK with that. Then yesterday, I woke up with something that was not quite a headache, but also not quite NOT a headache, if that makes any sense. Then I remembered the hideous migraine that signaled the failure of my first IVF cycle. Then I realized that it was 7 days past the 3-day transfer, and that if it's bad news, it could arrive any second now. On my first cycle, I had the telltale migraine on day 8, and the spotting started on day 9. The more I thought about it, the more the evidence seemed to accumulate that the cycle had failed. I had an almost-headache. I didn't FEEL pregnant. I had cramps. Oh wait, the cramps went away when I farted (sorry, tmi), so they were probably intestinal in nature, and therefore don't count. Regardless, not looking good.

Then today I woke up with a clear head, and still no signs of spotting. Back to square one, but rather the worse for emotional wear. Unfortunately, trying to "read the signs" is a genie that doesn't want to go back into the bottle, so about 60% of my mind has spent the whole day analyzing every signal from every nerve ending in my entire, not insubstantial, body, which is exhausting. So far, though, the magic 8-ball continues to say "too soon to tell."

Beta is Friday. I hope I can keep at least the other 40% of my mind engaged in my day-to-day life until then.


Anonymous said...

Oh Sara - This time (too early to tell, just close enough to BETA day) has got to be the most emotionally exhausting experience ever! You are "on duty" all the time, checking out every nerve ending and cell in your body non-stop. I remember it well...month after month of it. It's a nightmare. I don't think even the most skilled of hyptonists can play tricks on the human mind as subtly as a woman 3 days before her BETA.
I sympathize and am counting the seconds right along with you.
Rose xx

Rachel Inbar said...

OY. I so know what you mean. The waits made me sick (and I went through way too many of them). I could literally not get anything else done.

I am praying for good news for you!

Kami said...

Hang in there! I know it is hard not to over analyze, but it could still work!