Saturday, October 8, 2011

Still here

I don't know why I haven't posted an update in a while. It wasn't that I didn't have anything to say. In person, I very rarely don't have something to say. I've just lacked inspiration I guess. Or time. I don't know where all 24 hours of each day go, but they sure do go there quickly, wherever it is!

Anyway, all is well with me, Mystery, and Eggbert. We've been busier with usual with activities (dance class! swim class!) and we are in the process of buying a house, which is surprisingly (to first-time homebuyers) time-consuming, but all of it is going well, so no complaints there.

The event that inspired me to post was our return to the RE after a one-year-plus break. We had to drive a few hours for the consultation, which was kind of annoying, but it gave us a chance to go shopping for our house in the "big city" at the same time, which was kind of nice. The RE visit itself was anticlimactic. I told him right off the bat that we were interested in being evaluated as candidates for donor eggs, which I had thought would mean a whole slew of testing, but as it turned out, the only tests that he has ordered so far are tests of my ovarian reserve. Yes, you read that right, MY ovarian reserve. At age 42. He seems to think that I am giving up on my own eggs too easily. This is so not what I expected that I don't know how to process it. Isn't the donor egg speech pretty much standard for infertility patients over 40? Honestly, it's kind of hard for me to imagine paying for another IVF cycle with my own eggs, given the age-specific low odds of success, but unfortunately, Mystery picked up on the doctor's optimism, so if the test results are good, we are going to have to at least discuss the option of trying again with my eggs. How weird is it that I find the thought depressing, rather than inspiring?

The big disappointment of the visit was that as it turns out, my clinic only has a completely anonymous DE program. No photos, no potential for identifying information to be made available to the child at age 18. Nothing. That takes away just about any incentive to cycle there, since the cost would be about twice that of cycling in any of our other target countries. I had been thinking that I was willing to pay substantially more to both cycle closer to home and to have the option of identity release, but without the identity release option, I really don't see any reason to pay twice as much for what is essentially the same service. Of course if I could find my own donor, open donation would be possible, but I really have no idea how to go about finding a donor. So, I think we're now on the path of an overseas DE cycle unless the testing reveals any surprises (and probably even then).

In other news, Eggbert is 3.9 going on 16 these days. She is suddenly competent at a broad variety of tasks that were way beyond her abilities just a few weeks ago (Putting on the seat belt in her car seat! Going to the fridge and making her own snacks! Balancing the checkbook! Well, OK, not that last one, but she can now count to 100 in both English and Mysterious, and occasionally gets simple math problems right, so I think I will be able to put her to work as my accountant soon.) She continues to delight me in a million different ways. I am very lucky.


Bionic Baby Mama said...

whoa, i'm completely shocked by your clinic's anonymous-only policy. just completely shocked. it seems like the world of donor sperm is moving more and more away from anonymity; strange that donor egg is lagging behind. i suppose there's an essay in that idea, somewhere. hmmm....

go, eggbert! clipping and cooking and counting! nice!

Anonymous said...

It's amazing how they grow up when you are not looking!

Lut C. said...

Good to hear from you! :-)

It makes sense that you wouldn't be overjoyed at the doctors suggestion to try again with your own eggs.
You've been there, several times. That option costs lots and lots of money, for odds that you feel are low (understandably).
Not forgetting that trying something new (after failing at the old) has its allure.

Anonymous or find your own donor is the situation here too. Personally, identity release appeals to me more as well.

Counting to a hundred?! And I thought being able to count to 17 was pretty good for a nearly 4yo. ;-)
And making her own snack, now that's something for Linnea to work on!

Kat said...

I completely understand why you feel frustrated about him not immediately recommending donor eggs, especially as you would be paying a lot for another cycle.

I think I've said before that in the UK all sperm and egg donors are registered so that any resultant child can look them up when they are 18 - completely not anonymous. This has had the effect of significantly decreasing sperm donation. In addition, because it is illegal to pay people for donor eggs, it is usually only women who can't afford private IVF who egg share. Some would definitely choose not to share given the choice.

While I completely understand your desire to be able to know more and eventually give your child a chance to know more about their genetic heritage, there is another side to anonymity that shouldn't be under estimated.

Anonymous said...

Hello, thanks so much for stopping by my blog a couple of weeks ago (I'm really behind on reading and commenting). Good luck on the house hunt. It was definitely time consuming, but we have been very happy with the outcome and I hope you are as well. Good luck with the process of figuring out whether to try with your own eggs or go to donor egg and where to do donor egg if you go that route. It seems like you have already researched many options for donor egg so you may already know this. From the research I have done on donor egg, I think that Nurture in South Africa may be a good option. They provide more information on the donors than anywhere else I have seen. It seems like a good balance of being significantly cheaper than the states while still providing information including a full medical history.