Sunday, December 11, 2011

Rejected

Some part of me always knew this was going to happen one day, but I thought we had a few more years.

Eggbert is...how do I put this kindly...freakishly small for her age. She was under the 3rd percentile for height (well, length, I guess, in a newborn) when she was born, and around the 10th for weight, and she has stayed pretty close to those numbers throughout her life so far, floating between the 3rd and 10th percentiles for height (but mostly sticking closely to the 3rd). Good things come in small packages, right? At age 4, she is just barely over 36 inches (91.5 cm) and 30 pounds (13.6 kg). So, if she were only 3, she'd still be on the small side (the 41-42nd percentile for height and weight), but for a 4-year-old she is tiny. She doesn't seem to have noticed yet that her classmates at preschool tower over her, but I have certainly noticed the other parents and even the teachers sometimes grouping her in with the 3-year-olds, or even the 2-year-olds, when they are talking about ages. The "up" side is that this makes her seem wildly precocious--people often tell me how well she speaks, for example, as if being able to communicate effectively at age 4 is an unusual accomplishment, but the down side is that she is often babied and not challenged to act her age.

Anyway, a few days ago, we went to I*kea. We live in the middle of nowhere, so this is an epic journey for us--over 2 hours each way--but necessary in light of a recent move and the subsequent discovery of how little furniture we actually owned. So off we went. And I'll tell the truth. I was excited. It's not that I*kea is my design ideal, but I just find the bright colors and do-it-yourself attitude enchanting, and the prices are affordable enough that I don't agonize over purchases there like I do over most things. Our plan was to arrive there around lunchtime, have lunch in their cafe (one of rare venues that has something that each of the 3 of us really likes), then take Eggbert to the playroom while Mystery and I shopped.

At first things went off without a hitch. The drive was good. Eggbert was cheery, Mystery and I were happy, and we made good time. Lunch was reasonably enjoyable, and we trotted off to the playroom with eager anticipation (Eggbert), and only mild misgivings (me). There was a queue, so we waited our turn. We watched the staff check in child after child, and then it was Eggbert's turn. We got to the front. The staff member frowned.

"They have to be potty trained!" she said. "

Of course she's potty trained!" I said.

"They can't be wearing a pullup!" she insisted.

"She's not!" I said, beginning to feel annoyed.

"She's too small!"

I took her up to the "children below this height cannot enter" sign and showed the staff member that Eggbert was right at the line.

"Take off her shoes!" she crowed.

We did. She was about 1/4 inch below the line. The woman said "see! we can't take her."

I whined "but she's four!" The woman just shook her head.

A lively conversation ensued among the parents behind us. "She's four? There is no way that child is four! Is she really four? How could she be four?"

We skulked off. Eggbert was crushed about not being able to go to the playroom, although she didn't really understand the reason. I was furious at myself for putting her through that, but also furious at the staff for being so unbending. On one level I get it, they don't want kids of too many different sizes playing together because someone might get hurt, but the upper limit was based on age, not height, so apparently they will let in 6-footers that are 7, but not 3-footers who are 4, so it's not just a size disparity issue. Ultimately, I'm sure they have their reasons, but that knowledge doesn't actually make me feel any better about the fact that my child was excluded based on a physical feature that she has no control over.

Sigh. It probably won't be the last time.

11 comments:

Bionic Baby Mama said...

what ashøles.

poor eggbert. i hope she got to have some good times jumping on the furniture and falling in love with 100 $1 stuffed toys and riding on the flat cart.

the bean's size causes some eyebrows to raise, too, sometimes -- notably BFF's, who looked very concerned when i showed her the bean was wearing one of her son's old outfits. she gingerly crept up to telling me that her son had worn it much, much younger than the bean. ...which is not a big shock, since she is almost a FOOT taller than i am. heh.

Panamahat said...

Awww. So mean. I am small, and there have been distinct disadvantages to that, (and continue to be), but I don't have to crunch up in cattle class on the airplane, at least! Give her my love and tell her she'll be just fine. xx

Reba said...

oh my goodness, that's awful that they were so unyieldingly discriminatory. i am short and my daughter seems to be heading in that direction too. sorry to hear the world is not getting to be a more accepting place...

Antropóloga said...

That's very much too bad!

I wonder if that height thing is based on Swedish kids. Swedish kids are taller anyway and have a different growth chart! My kid is short compared to the Swedes,too.

Anonymous said...

Lily was born 50th percentile, then gradually slid down to 3rd percentile and has settled there since she was about 2. After tests and more tests, the collective medical knowledge and my maternal opinion since all this started has boiled down to: she's just small. I looked up "small - so what?!" in the medical encyclopedia and there were two entries: Lily + Eggbert. Now they each have a friend!
Rose xx

JENN said...

Poor customer service at I***... That stinks. Hopefully, she had fun in the store anyway! Daughter #1 & my niece had similar issues when they where younger. After a while their small size didn't matter. Little Bean, however is tall for her age so that raises different issues. Eggbert will rise above these times and hopefully, never see her size as a problem.

Marie-Baguette said...

Hello there! Well do not worry, Max has been having the same issue. We used to worry a bit and then I discovered that I was very small when I was a kid, just like my brother and my sister were. Plus, here in Canada, my sons still look small but they do not look as skinny as they used to in the US compared to the other kids. I am sure your daughter is big compared to International Babies of Mystery! Good luck with everything

Marie-Baguette said...

Hello there! Well do not worry, Max has been having the same issue. We used to worry a bit and then I discovered that I was very small when I was a kid, just like my brother and my sister were. Plus, here in Canada, my sons still look small but they do not look as skinny as they used to in the US compared to the other kids. I am sure your daughter is big compared to International Babies of Mystery! Good luck with everything

jhl said...

I have to tell you ... this happened to my son, too. And I hated them for it.

Thanks for stopping by my blog today ... I am feeling blessed to be surrounded by so many supportive people, who are sending good thoughts winging towards the children left behind. xo.

korinthia said...

I would have left a complaint because that was all rude and unnecessary. Taking off her shoes? Please.

My kids are at the other end of the height spectrum being the tallest kids in all their classes and my oldest is already "Too tall to ride this ride" on some things her friends can do. That can be tough, too.

torthúil said...

Bah! Poor Eggbert!! what rude people!